I don’t suffer with anxiety, I suffer with a deep depression that has led to multiple suicide attempts. The first one, was just ideas. I was done, nothing mattered. I travelled to Cuba which at the time was not advised for a single young woman but everyone was really lovely to me there. I went on a hike and my plan was to throw myself off the cliff. Sounds stupid but life in my head had become unbearable but I still thought of how it would be for the people I loved, my mum especially. So I didn’t go through with it.
The second time was more serious. I had been on the edge for five months, seeing a psychotherapist who had put me on the wrong dose of medication. I became dependant and if I didn’t take the meds I was ill and taking them was turning me into a different person. My psychotherapist was taking advantage of me and then mysteriously he died so I was referred to a new psychotherapist who realised I was addicted to the medication, Venlafaxine aka Californian Rocket Fuel. She gave me one option, rehab! And I agreed to it. I still thought she was wrong and that I didn’t have an issue, I thought she was overreacting and I could come off them myself. So we made a deal, I get to go home for a few months as long as I check in to rehab there. I was desperate to see my family and be back home but I never made it that far.
Christy
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