Content Warning! This content could be triggering.
From October 2016 – July 2017 I was having a mental breakdown, it was news to me. I thought I was having the best time of my life. But I was drinking to excess and partying non stop. The the root cause of this breakdown I now know was a trauma response after being raped. Twice.
What feels bizarre about it all was that hardly anyone actually stopped to ask if I was ok I just slowly lost a lot of friends.
My rapist is still out there. The first time I reported it to the polizie but was met with victim shaming and lost all confidence. The second time I didn’t even bother.
I took it upon myself to get counselling and was put on medication that only made problems worse. Being raped took away my safety net, I couldn’t trust myself or other people, I was always afraid. Nightmares every night would only be calmed by wine or weed. I was totally alone in it. I didn’t want to be sad anymore and thought suicide was the only way out.
So I secretly stashed pills, collected them over time until I had over 50 and one night I took them all. I was ready to go!
If one of your friends isn’t acting themselves remember to check in even if they are pushing you away. Lots of people are extremely good at masking what’s really going on with them so dig a little deeper.
Christy
x
