After coming out of hospital, I was still on the same medication I had been on since waking up 3 years ago. Everything was different, I was home, I had carers, it was lockdown and I was feeling so depressed and unable to cope. I couldn’t carry on. I didn’t have any of the mental health support or checks done as I did in hospital and I just wanted to die. I went on hunger strike for 10 days, my care agency needed to get something done, I needed some help as soon as possible, imagine if I had died on their watch. It was the 10th day, after I had completed Netflix that this man appeared by my bedside. He said he was a psychiatrist. He had the softest voice I have ever heard and I thought what meds is he on. He explained that if I ate a bowl of porridge today he would see me tomorrow and if not he would section me. So of course I ate the porridge. But that is how hard it is these days to get any help or support. As a suicide survivor coming out of a coma surely this should have been readily available to me. It makes me sick. I went to see Dr Clifford the next day and he told me that my brain didn’t create any serotonin which I had kind of known about years ago. He prescribed me Venlafaxine AKA California Rocket fuel. I have been under Dr Clifford for 6 years now and his help at every stage has been crucial to my recovery even though some steps haven’t worked. I am eeking my way towards lithium a pretty horrible drug that can cause kidney failure and the worst of all, weight gain. But the meds are working at the moment and seeing Dr Clifford keeps me on track. The way I was forced to go about getting an appointment was so wrong and I really feel for anyone who Is trying to get help in the NHS right now. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.
